What Is Low Self-Esteem?

Low self-esteem can influence the way we see ourselves, make decisions, build relationships, and respond to challenges. Many people associate low self-esteem only with weakness, but psychology shows that the issue is more complex. Understanding the causes of low self-esteem and learning healthy ways to strengthen self-worth can help people develop greater confidence, emotional stability, and self-respect.

Are There Any Benefits to Having Low Self-Esteem?

I want to say a few words in support of people with low self-esteem. By the way, among the prominent figures who are sometimes said to have struggled with low self-esteem are Darwin, Galileo, Newton, and Einstein. So what advantages can low self-esteem actually have for those who see it only as a disadvantage?1. It is usually more pleasant to communicate with someone who behaves modestly than with someone who constantly boasts and displays superiority. 2. People with low self-esteem are often more willing to compromise. Sometimes this brings them greater benefits than rigidly and uncompromisingly defending their position. 3. They are usually good at listening carefully and taking useful advice into account. This helps them better understand a problem and use a situation to their advantage. 4. People with lower self-esteem are often characterized by humility — a virtue that, in religious traditions, is considered the opposite of pride. They tend to respect other people more and, as a rule, receive greater respect and sympathy in return. 

What Causes Low Self-Esteem?

Parents play a leading role in shaping a child’s self-esteem. For example, overly controlling parents, sometimes referred to as “childhood thieves,” leave their child no space even for the smallest acts of independence. As a result, the child — and later the adult — may live with the belief that they are unable to make decisions without their parents’ help.Low self-esteem can also be caused by parents who struggle with alcohol dependence, as well as by various forms of abuse from them: psychological, physical, or sexual.In borderline personality disorder, relationships with other people are often perceived through the lens of rejection due to heightened emotional sensitivity. During depressive episodes, self-esteem can decrease significantly, whereas during periods of euphoria and increased activity, it may rise sharply and unrealistically.People who have become victims of aggression or violence also often experience a decline in self-esteem due to feelings of humiliation or guilt. For example: “I was unable to protect myself” or “Why did I survive when everyone else died?” Low self-esteem can increase vulnerability to depressive states. In some cases, it is also associated with alcohol misuse. However, alcohol, in turn, intensifies depression and further lowers self-esteem. Thus, these two phenomena — low self-esteem and alcoholism — can reinforce each other.In addition, people with low self-esteem are at a higher risk of falling under the influence of destructive cults or toxic environments.To safeguard our self-esteem, we sometimes employ an avoidance tactic: we opt not to discuss a problem or even pretend it isn't there altogether. This fosters a deceptive feeling of safety, yet it simultaneously amplifies the danger of prolonged inactivity and engenders living in an unreal world.

Unhealthy Ways People Try to Increase Self-Esteem

Let's begin with what are commonly referred to as ineffective or unproductive methods for increasing it. Some of these might be familiar to you.1. A desire to belong to a particular social group or club, especially if there is an opportunity to stand out within that community. Such belonging provides a sense of security and helps avoid loneliness. 2. “Failure neurosis.” Some people with low self-esteem feel safer experiencing failure than achieving success. At the same time, they always find explanations that help preserve their self-esteem: “If I had had more time, I would have prepared better for this presentation.” 3. Compulsive shopping is another coping strategy through which a person tries to compensate for low self-esteem. The number of purchases becomes far greater than what is truly necessary. Marketers and brand owners are well aware of this psychological mechanism and actively use it. In fact, owning certain things can become a kind of “prosthesis” for self-esteem. Examples include unnecessarily large, attention-grabbing SUVs in urban environments, silicone implants, and similar things. 4. Some people derive particular satisfaction from making others feel jealous, seducing them, and then boasting about their “achievements.” 5. Others try to increase their self-esteem by controlling and dominating other people or even animals. An example may be owners of large and aggressive dogs, although, of course, this does not apply to everyone. 6. Violating generally accepted rules and social norms can also be a way of compensating for low self-esteem. Examples include aggressive driving or deliberately ignoring rules. 7. Devaluing others. “Yes, this girl is beautiful, but she is stupid.” “He is a complete idiot.” Some people take particular pleasure in finding and publicly mocking the flaws of celebrities, performers, or movie stars. 8. The desire to always be right can also be a warning sign that hides low self-esteem. Now let us move on to the truly effective ways of increasing it.

How to Improve Self-Esteem in Healthy Ways

In reality, work needs to be done in three main areas:1. Your attitude toward yourself. 2. Your attitude toward your own actions. 3. Your attitude toward other people. Let us look at each of these areas in more detail.
 Change Your Relationship With Yourself1. Know YourselfIt is important to understand your boundaries, strengths, abilities, and capabilities. A realistic understanding of yourself helps you objectively assess your potential and avoid demanding the impossible from yourself.2. Accept YourselfAccepting yourself does not mean resigning yourself to your shortcomings. It means honestly acknowledging them and, without losing self-respect, working on them. For example, saying to yourself: “I am too jealous” or “I tend to control the people close to me too much.” Recognizing your own weaknesses is already the first step toward change.3. Be Honest With YourselfLearn to recognize your own emotions and honestly answer the question: “What exactly am I feeling right now, and why?”Such honesty with yourself helps you better understand your own needs and motivations.________________________________________ Change Your Relationship With Your Actions1. Take ActionAny action, even the simplest one, is more beneficial than endless thinking, self-blame, or regret. Set a goal and gradually move toward it. It is important not only to plan things in your mind but also to take concrete steps. An intention without action does not change your life.2. Silence Your Inner CriticLet go of unproductive perfectionism and constant self-devaluation. Do not treat every negative thought about yourself as an undeniable truth. Question your automatic negative thoughts — many of them do not reflect reality.3. Accept FailureFailure is an inseparable part of any success. Do not be afraid of making mistakes or experiencing setbacks. They are what encourage us to search for new solutions, rethink our strategies, and become stronger.Failure is not the end of the road, but an opportunity to identify your weak points and work on them. Try not to divide the world only into “complete success” and “disaster.” Every failure is, first and foremost, new information about yourself.________________________________________Improve Your Relationships With Others1. Stand Up for Your PositionThe ability to openly express your thoughts, desires, and feelings is an important part of healthy self-esteem. It is equally important to be able to ask for what matters to you without feeling guilty or feeling the need to constantly justify yourself.For example, you have the right to expect respectful treatment from others. It is also important to learn to calmly and confidently say “no” when your interests or personal boundaries require it.2. Be EmpatheticEmpathy is the ability to listen attentively, understand others, and share their feelings while still remaining yourself.However, it is important to remember: empathy should not become a way of earning approval or affection from other people. It should also not harm your own needs or mean unconditional agreement with everything others say or do.3. Rely on Social SupportDo not be afraid to ask for help when you need it. At the same time, be prepared for the possibility that sometimes you may receive a refusal. This is a natural part of human relationships and should not become a reason to devalue yourself.

When to Seek Help From a Psychologist

If you feel the need to change your attitude toward yourself and want to make this process conscious, consistent, and effective, do not hesitate to seek help from a psychologist. Cognitive behavioral therapy is especially beneficial for addressing low self-esteem, with its efficacy being corroborated by multiple research studies.As a psychologist who specializes in this approach, I would be happy to help you better understand yourself, overcome limiting beliefs, and develop healthy, stable self-esteem.

Written by: Olena Kuznietsova, Clinical Psychologist
Specializations:
CBT • Anxiety • Trauma • Self-esteem
Reviewed on:
July 2026